AmeriCan’t Dream : Books Are Dead

Thanks for your interest in the Information Technology Specialist position at American Dream Book Stores Inc. and American Dream Soup. (That paid a non-liveable wage, part-time. But you applied anyways, because applying is pointless.)

We had an overwhelming number of candidates and was unable to interview everyone for the position. (Why were you unable to interview everyone. Sounds like you have a poorly run personal department.) We have finalized our search and thank you for your application. (Don’t worry. I printed this email and got my groceries paid for in full. Just kidding. I gave 3 hand jobs on the corner to pay for food.)

I am sorry for the disappointing news. Best of luck in your job search. (Once again, rejection letters wishing that my job search is lucky, not that my job search outcome is lucky. That’s the #1 factor in the so called job hunt; 100% luck.)

Sincerely,

Michael (I live in a 5 million dollar house on 10 acres.) Benowitz.